VDM (Vie de Merde...)

Um....

Where do I even begin with this blog post?

I have been in France less than a week and already the perfect blog title to describe my current state is, unfortunately, 'VDM'. For those of you who haven't guessed already, that means 'Vie de Merde'.

First things first though! I arrived, all was good. I stayed at my colleague's house for four days, while the school got my apartment situation sorted. Then I moved into my apartment...and that is where the stress began.

I had a mad couple of days running around the entire region of Essonne (South Paris basically) in a voiture and a camionette (car and minivan respectively) trying to pick up furniture from Ikea, my colleague's house (she lent me a fridge....Yaaaaaay) and from a random house in the middle of nowhere (I found a free sofa online). Fortunately, my parents were 'driving through France' (which occurs once in a blue moon, but there were en route to Bordeaux to visit friends) so they gave me a hand with the driving considering my recent Failee of Driving Test Status.

They helped me out a bit with the flat, unpacking and cleaning it up (the floor and cupboards were pretty dirty). Unfortunately, in the transition of moving from my colleague's house to my apartment, I somehow managed to lose my passport.

I lost my passport in FRANCE.

Of all places to lose a passport, France is perhaps the worst place in Europe to lose it. Before I arrived in France, I was unaware that paperwork and official documents are almost as revered and celebrated as much as pétanque and camembert. Not only am I unable to travel (potentially bye-bye to the holiday in Nice seeing my old au pair family I had planned for two weeks' time) I have also lost my only form of identity proof. Vie de Merde.

But bad things happen in life and the only solution when things like this happen is to stay calm and try and sort the problem out as soon as possible. So that's what I am currently doing.

Amazingly I have a flat, a fridge, a bed, hot water and food (which is more than I had 3-4 weeks ago). Amazingly I also have opened a bank account with minimal stress (so far) and done most of the important school documents (social security, CAF reimbursement and other such long, boring stuff will come in due course). But I still have no wifi in the flat which is more than mildly annoying in a time where I need internet for things like online banking, google maps, signing up for internet (yes, most of the good contracts such as Free are online sign ups).

On top of all that, there's the whole adjusting-to-living-by-myself and not knowing anyone in my small town. Fortunately I have made a few friends – also I have met some of the assistants – and I am sure I will make a few more in my area sometime soon.

But before that happens, I think I have to adjust to the flat, which is my main concern at the moment. It's quite a nice flat, I can't complain.

What I find difficult is the sheer loneliness of it at the moment. Perhaps when I get internet, I'll feel more in touch with the world in my flat, but before this week:

• I didn't realise how much I need people in order to feel like a functional human being.
• I didn't realise how stressful it can be when you have no one around just to help you, talk to or just rant about life to (which sort of ties in with living alone)
• how stressful setting up a life abroad has the potential to be

I know things will get better but right now I just want to do a massive U-Turn and catch a Eurostar back to Southampton, beg and plead with the Erasmus coordinators/Humanities staff to let me do final year a year early JUST SO I DON'T HAVE TO SUFFER ANY MORE FRANCE-RELATED CRAP!

In all the times I lived abroad, I have never done it completely independently. And now that I am doing this independently, I am starting that all of my qualms in Mallorca this summer about being abroad were not stupid. Setting up life on your own (i.e. being a grown up) is difficult enough in your own country, but in a foreign country it is even worse. I am thankful for one thing at least, that I can at least speak French confidently. If I couldn't, I think I would currently be in a much worse state of mind!!!

Having said that, my apartment is nice. And I am very thankful to simply have an apartment in the Paris area!!! I will post some photos of it when I have sorted my life out a bit.

When I have calmed down, I will write another blog post which is more encouraging and positive!!! For now, I had to rant because if I didn't I think I might have exploded in my very own apartment, bringing my year abroad to a very premature end.

Hasta bientot mes friends!