Happy

There is one thing I want to write about this week

1. The Happy Show

For quite some time I haven't updated this because I had writer's block again for quite a few weeks (I've been busy too but that's no excuse not to write – nope, writer's block it is).

So, "The Happy Show", which is what I wanted to write about 2 weeks ago because I went to this exhibition in Paris called “The Happy Show” by Stefan Sagmeister an Austrian graphic designer. I approached apprehensively because to me, “The Happy Show” is a title which is bound to disappoint many who are really seeking “Happiness”, whatever that is.

But this was the first wall in the entrance of the exhibition:

It soon became apparent that the show is not a “formula for happiness” as I had apprehensively disregarded, neither is it a collection of paintings and sculptures that depict happiness: It is an info-graphic breakdown of one man's experiences and judgement of happiness based on statistics, experiments, psychologists' theories and personal evaluations. In short, it doesn't aim to dictate, but to subjectively demonstrate aspects of happiness.

As I progressed through each stage of the exhibit, I read the walls which contained quite a few statistics about “happiness” relating to humans relationships with other humans. These were statistics about marital happiness, statistics of happiness in “types of love” (Passionate vs. companionship), statistics of happiness among people with different relationship statuses etc:

To be honest, when I read all of the above, it didn't surprise me but what did strike me was that even though statistically “compassionate love” ends up making for a higher percentage of “happy people”, there are tons of people who never have this. And this was where I did not trust the statistics.

Is that to say that most people who never get a long term companion in love end up unhappy? Is it also to say that most people who pursue “passionate love” (ie sex but not necessarily commitment) all their lives also end up unhappy?

This was a big part of the exhibit and instead of making me nod and think “yup, those statistics are spot on” it challenged me to wonder “Is this how people measure happiness? With love?” I found myself unconvinced by this because more and more these days I find that people I meet define their happiness by their relationships: but not necessarily on other terms, and they don't always appear happier than the average Joe.

According to these statistics, happiness in relationships is much higher in passionate love than in companionship love but routinely over a shorter time frame (so high level dopamine quicker = short term happiness, lower level dopamine longer = long term happiness). But where does it analyse the happiness levels in people who are without either of these types of relationships?

(When I thought about some of the happiest moments of my life, very few some but not all, of those moments were relating to romance, actually).

And when I analysed the things I saw in the show: statistics about happiness in romantic relationships, self-image, self-confidence and other such typical things that humans have insecurities, I realised that all of us, every single one of us can't be 100% happy. A lot of the time we are telling ourselves that we're happier than we are or we're telling ourselves that we're unhappier than is true in reality. This was demonstrated in “the gumball machine meter”:

You take a piece of gum from the machine that you think corresponds to your 'level' of happiness (on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the happiest). I took a gumball from the '9' and it didn't work so I settled for 7 and it gave me one. I don't know why this is, but I think it was supposed to show that whoever takes one from either of the extreme ends is fooling themselves most of the time – it's unrealistic to be '9' most of the time but it's equally improbable that you're on a '3', no matter how bad you feel.

This gumball machine meter lead on to a pyramid which breaks down the necessities in order to be happy, showing that physiological needs are the base and self-actualization (creativity and such) is at the top, nowhere near as important as food, water and nuture. This links into the gumball machine in the sense that, in Western culture where most of us have food, water and nuture and the basic necessities we should hypothetically be much happier than a '3' or maybe even a '5' because a lot of our basic needs are already fulfilled (yet many who live in this culture often claim to be depressed or unhappy in some way).

“The Happiness Show” is one man's experience, he says himself, that the show is merely one man's analysis of happiness according to him using data he's collected over a period of 10 years.

But the show doesn't aim to make it's viewers “happier”, however that could be measured, it says from the very start. However, in my opinion it is an important topic which has been explored creatively through the arts for ages and I think that it's aim in this particular creative project was to express to the viewer that happiness is something that should be explored, and it did explore many aspects of the areas in which society measures happiness.

I truly value all the relationships in my life, especially with my friends. The people that I make friends with are people that add so much to my happiness and the true friends are the ones I can be apart from for a long time but are still the same when I talk with them again. But even in my relationships with friends, my happiness isn't dependant on that one other person.

This year abroad hasn't been an easy journey; from the very start it has seemed like there have been challenge after challenge to my happiness. Perhaps at the very start, I wasn't as prepared as I am now to be able to face the challenges to my happiness. But I guess challenges have enabled me to become much stronger in who I am and be proud of what I can do.

Before this year in France, I started this blog because for years and years I wanted to write and I wanted people to be able to read what I could write. I was a little bit scared about what people would think about what I wrote and so because of shyness, fear of what others would think, I held myself back. But I always knew that I expressed myself best in writing – to friends in cards or letters and to my teachers when I wrote them essays . Sometimes my teachers told me that they wanted to see me writing more; but it's possible that when I was a teenager, I felt too awkward to do that.

And since I've started this blog, I've been amazed by what a liberating hobby this has become. It's not only added greatly to my happiness to be able to express my writing publicly but it's given my friends quite a lot to laugh about.

I guess I want to say one more thing about happiness before this post is over: If you can't trust yourself, don't worry about it. But trust Pharell, who doesn't care about what anyone else thinks, just that he's happy: