Hello there,
This could end up
being a really, really long post (longer than usual, which for
someone like me would make it a 10,000 word essay or something) but I
think I'll just break everything down slightly and put it in a
nutshell.
I've been back in
Manchester two weeks now, and only two and a half weeks remain until
I go to France. All my friends on their years abroad seem to all be
in their respective countries already!
But amazingly,
everything seems to be coming into place quite nicely. The paperwork
seems to be done (just needs organizing into one file!), finances
seem to be in place (thank you Student Loan for being on time for
once..!) and last but not least, amazingly so, I have found
accommodation.
It was all very
simple in the end. The teacher from my school contacted me and said
the school could offer me a flat for 300 a month (so not too bad by
Paris-y standards).
I was lost in a sea
of adverts and flat share offers on Lokaviz and Leboncoin (I gave up
on Appartager.com months ago because it appeared only creepy old guys
contacted me on there) and I was starting to lose my head a bit. I
Skyped my friend Marlena (au pair I met in Mallorca this summer) and
told her that when she comes to visit me in Paris in November
(flights booked) there was a possibility I would be homeless.
Sleeping under a
bridge next to the Seine. Occasionally busking.
So naturally, I
accepted the accommodation (not merely because I was getting
desperate). There are clear pros: cheaper rent, I know the landlords
are sound people, it is actually in Mennecy, right by the school. So
I won't have to commute to get to work, which would otherwise be
time-consuming and expensive.
There are a couple
of cons (there are never simply just 'pros' in life, except for when
referring to Daniel Craig).
- Mennecy is 37km from Paris
- The flat is unfurnished. And I mean, UN-furnished. Completely.
I will sort out
problem number one by getting a bike. (a GOOD bike that functions).
Problem number two
is admittedly, easily solvable ---> buy furniture. It just feels
so final to buy furniture; the kind of thing you do if you're buying
a house, not renting a place for 8 months. But there is a nearby Ikea
(so cheaper options are available) and I'm sure there's some kind of
French equivalent to Freecycle. I'll just have to scrounge around and
make friends with people in the village quickly, and see if any of
them are getting rid of a fridge or freezer and jump in on it.
There's also kind
of a con-number-three: I think the accommodation is a studio flat,
which means...I will be LIVING ALONE.
ALL BY MYSELF.
Bridget-style.
That puts a seed of
lonely doubt within my sociable and people-loving heart. I always
envisaged myself living with some chatty, cultured and FUN Frenchies
on my year abroad, with whom I could have aperos, drink wine, cook
with and just generally talk non-stop about, well, what we love about
France (because French people love France).
(Which puts me in
mind of a certain housemate of mine)
 |
| In this photo, we were probably lamenting the fact that we were NOT in France. |
Anyway, to
summarize my flat is 37k from the capital, unfurnished and devoid of
housemates. So in short, not what I would have envisaged for myself.
Buuut....
I am not worried
about being far away. I measured the distance from Cannes to Nice
(which is where I lived before) and it's also about 30k. And when I
was an au pair, distance never once stopped me having fun.
(Seriously. One day I will write a book about my French Riviera
Memories and you will see that we once walked 10k just to watch Harry
Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 in English).
Secondly, (after
giving it some consideration) I have decided that I am not worried
about living alone either. Actually, it's perfect. When I was an au
pair, my friends and I spent half our lives wishing one of us had a
flat to ourselves, rather than having to always rely our host
families' (for weekends when we wanted to escape). Maybe if I meet
some au pairs out there it'll be perfect if they want to crash
somewhere for the weekend! Although admittedly, it isn't exactly
ideal in terms of location for socialising...
Which makes the
situation a bit of a catch-22.
But I refuse to
believe that living alone will be as terrifying as I'm envisaging it
will be. It's just that I can't grasp the concept yet because I've
never lived alone before. And I have never wanted to live alone!
Aside from all this
news on the accommodation front, not much new stuff has been
happening. I am surprised at how much I'm enjoying being back at
home. It has been fun seeing old friends from college, hanging out
with my sisters but also meeting some new friends! So far I have
actually gotten to know a few people in our small neighbour Heaton
Moor, from going to a church Heaton Moor Evangelical Church, in our
area.
I'm only beginning
to realise how much there is in Manchester (and its surrounding
areas) now I am back here for a bit. In some ways (although my
beloved Southampton will always – or at least for now – hold a
dear place in my heart) I'm starting to think maybe Manchester holds
a little bit of space for me somewhere in my heart too.
I realised
something today. Over the past three years, I've put a whole lot of
energy and passion into learning languages and going abroad. Many
times I don't even see 'going home for the summer' as an option –
it's always 'the last resort that I don't want to resort to'.
And I have had lots
of fun going abroad and au pairing. It's really changed me – I am
much, much more confident than I used to be. Maybe cause I've been
out of my comfort zone with relation to making friends and also
communicating!
But I realised
today that I haven't really 'set up home' in any of these places I've
been to. Even Nice,
although I spent a
year there, was not exactly 'setting up home'. My home is here; much
to my disgruntlement. (is that a word?) I've always wanted to 'set up
home' abroad – always. I can't explain it to myself, I've just
always like that was where I belong. But the honest truth?
Being abroad is
tough. I realised that this summer – finally! No matter how much
you want to be abroad and set up your life there, being a foreigner
in a foreign land still isn't easy. There are many reasons why.
And yet, here I am
realising this now as I am about to head off abroad once more. I
almost feel like holding up my hands and saying “ENOUGH!!” and
hoping someone will say “Okay...you don't have to go abroad AGAIN
Rachel. You've done enough time doing French in France. Just write
your dissertation in French and you can finish your degree, no year
abroads required.”
I do feel a little
weary – three years and I all I've been doing is focusing on where
I can go abroad! That feels like all I have been doing. It's not that
I want to 'settle down' – I would just rather go abroad somewhere
and commit to 2 or 3 years there – maybe more. I've done the
'exchange' thing – just staying somewhere a few months at a time.
But I do think this
year is going to be good. Who knows, it might eventually even help me
to find a job (that's the dream after graduating!). And I can't
complain because I'll be getting paid AND I'll be in lovely France
speaking lovely French.
I just hope that
this year will restore my (slightly-wobbly-after-this-summer) faith
in being abroad.
Time will tell.
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