Hello all!
Long time, no blog it would seem.
Well I’ve decided to re-open this blog which I kept on my year abroad in Paris (and
the last time I was in Spain, summer 2013). A lot has happened since then, even
though it has only been a year.
First of all, I finally graduated
this summer – four years of hard work that at times seemed like it was never
going to end well! – but it did end well, I got my degree and the grades I
wanted.
My sister Kate got married and also
is expecting a little girl in November! SO EXCITED to be an aunty. I’m going to
shower this lucky girl with presents that are glittery or have
mermaids/ballerinas on them….
My housemates and I just spent the
summer working in Southampton all together – well except Debs sadly! It’s OK I
think she’s enjoying Switzerland! We all somehow got summer jobs working at the
university which meant that we got to stick around in Southampton/delay final
goodbyes for another three months. In a side note by the way, I never expected
to get this summer job at the university. I was set up to do what I did last
summer, café/restaurant/bar work but honestly the first job I got in June was depressing
as anything – working in an ice cream shop – but at the time I desperately
needed money. So when I heard that I had got this other job (MUCH better money,
working with my university friends and using my brain) I was so happy I
literally can’t describe to you all the happiness I felt. Which was just as
well for me because although I really enjoyed working at university, it was
quite a long and intensive job and there were a few moments mid-way
through/towards the end that I felt tired and that the end was not in sight.
But everything was wrapped up nicely and saying goodbye to all my colleagues
who have become good friends was quite bittersweet.
In fact, speaking of bittersweet
stuff, that leads me quite nicely onto the next part, which was leaving
Southampton. I realised this summer that this year has probably been the
longest period of time that I have remained in this city – previous years I
only really was there mid-September until mid-June and then I would be off
somewhere in the summer. But this year, I only spent about 2 weeks at home over
Christmas then a couple of days for the wedding, then in Easter (because of my
dissertation panic) I only went home for a weekend. Then barring a couple of
weekends over the summer period, I spent all of my time in Southampton. It
inevitably made me feel quite attached to it and leaving was hard because that
meant leaving somewhere that had finally become like a stable ‘base’ for me.
Southampton had become somewhere that I knew I would always return to because
of university.
Which leads me on to my next bit –
the ‘reason’ for this blog re-opening! Saying goodbye to people in Southampton
and saying goodbye to it as a place was harder for me than I can express in
words really. I didn’t give it any thought in my last week there because I was
so focused on practical things like seeing various individuals, packing up my
stuff (never an easy task pour moi!) and just mentally preparing myself for a
pretty long journey back to Manchester with suitcases AND a bike! But now I’ve
been at home for a week now, I’ve been feeling sad about leaving Southampton
and also leaving Manchester, two places I underestimated a lot. Both are places
where I have had security, stability and good friends. Leaving people is always
one of the hardest things to do and just because I do it often doesn’t mean it
gets easier.
So that leads me onto the next bit
which is – now I’m a graduate what am I doing? The answer is moving to Spain. I
guess the only thing I can say is this: I didn’t know I would be going there
this time last year and I’m not sure if it where I thought I would be going
earlier on this year! But after applying for various things and getting
rejected (from French jobs) and getting accepted by some (jobs in Russia) I
decided that doing a language assistantship in Spain was the best way forward.
It has many pros – I will be earning money, I will finally be improving my
rusty Spanish and the part time nature of the job gives me time to have Spanish
hobbies (salsa, the beach, SANGRIA) but also to think about what it is that I
want to do next in life.
Even though I am looking forward to
Spain, I am not going to deny that I am a little bit apprehensive about LIFE. I
was so sure last September that I would have a career plan by this point. But I
really don’t know anything for certain. There are so many things that are
possible but none of them are guaranteed yet. Depending on who I talk to, this
is either positive or negative. I fluctuate between “WHAT AM I DOING” and “I
LOVE BEING FREE FROM THE CAREER TREADMILL”. I think at this very moment I am
thinking the first, if I’m honest. It’s probably because I don’t know the area
that I am going to in Spain, I have no idea what to expect about who I’m going
to meet, what I’m going to realise and decide next year and exactly what
difficulties I will encounter during this next year abroad. I start panicking
sometimes and get flashbacks of the rural French town with no internet,
furniture-less apartment and cancelled trains that made up my entire first
three months of my French year abroad.
In spite of all this, there is
another side to me that knows this is just an emotional reaction to leaving. I
don’t know what the future holds at all after Spain – and I don’t know what
Spain holds for me. All I know is that I am in this now and backing out is not
an option.
On that note, I feel that I have
rambled on far too long and you get the point – I’m in limbo and my emotions
are not quite aligned with the changes that have occurred over the past six
months. But I think I should end this post on a positive note by saying that everyone
who I have worked with or spent time with during these past months –
Southampton and Manchester – you’ve all been fabulous and I’m going to miss
you. It is never goodbye, just “see you later”.
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| Where I will be next year. |
